Black Christmas
by Pale-And-Preculure
Summary: Ever wonder what Bella's Christmas Durring her Zombie stage was like? Well this how I think it happens. How does Charlie handle it ? This is one of my First Fan Fics, Read and Review ! I May eventually Do Edwards P.O.V.
1. Blackness

I awoke at 3:52 in the morning, from another screaming nightmare. This time was just like any other. I walked into

nothingness Much like my future.

I turned onto my back. and stared blankly at the ceiling. I felt a soft and wet tear drop roll lightly down my, now wet again,

cheek. The tears came faster now. Similar to the pluckings of a guitar.

I sat up and curled into a ball. I Crushed my arms against my chest. which curently was being ripped apart by some

unknown force. I bit my lip, and grimaced. It was so much worse than before. Why ?

I Slowly dragged my head up. The moon light up my room fractionally. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my calendar. In

the picture there was snow, and snowmen. On the date there was a big red circle. I squeezed my eye's shut and

pretended to melt into the blackness. This cannot happen. Not now atleast. I don't know how to deal with it. I let out a

large gust of breathe I had been holding in since I woke up. Christmas.

I rolled back down to the flat surraface of my bed. and let the tears fall.

_"As if I never existed"_

I gasped. How could I ? I had been so good for 3 weeks. Those awful words would always find they're way back into my

memory.

"Focus Bella" I thought to myself. I need to figure out what to do. How to react. I would do my best to look pleased with

what charlie bought me. I would say thank you and Merry Christmas. Thats about all. Thats really all I can promise him. If I

am lucky I might smile. Once. How could I smile ? That last time I received a gift it-- I cut Myself off. No Your not aloud I

though to myself.

My chest flared and snapped at my heart. I started gasping for air. I tried but nothing was coming in.

At that moment I huge cloud rolled into the small town of Forks. Rain started pellting down on my window. making it even

harder to breath. I felt crouded and clausterphobic, like at any minuete the roof would colapse and the sky would fall down

on me. I would drown in the clouds.

I Squeezed my eyes shut, pinched my lips shut and focused on breathing stedily through my nose. This can't be happening.

I rolled onto my side and let myself wet the other side of my salt stained pillow. It was still difficult breathing I could hear

the air coming in and out of my body, Not stedily though.

Yet all at that moment all was lost. My sould, My heart, My feelings and Myself. I didn't know who I was. Deffinatly not

Bella Swan.

Well not anymore.


	2. Shimmering Mirrors of the past

I saw light streaming though the window. I saw The calendar and what the Date read. I saw my tear stained pillow. I saw

what my alarm clock said. None of these things helped in the slightest bit.

I breathed a sigh and released from my safe ball and rolled until My feet felt the cold ground. I stood up slowly. I didn't

bother getting out of my Pajama's. What was the use. I strode over to the window The bright light was bothering me.

I was just about to pull down the blinds when I saw the ground. It was white. the skye was Blue and the sun shone

overhead. The fresh snow on the ground glittered. Like a million Diamonds. Like Faucets in the sun. Snow only glitters in

the Sun. Though I had never seen snow glitter that brilianltly I had seen it somewhere else.

I felt a Violent Rip from my chest and a Brand new sob fell out. I tried to control it. But it was no use. I Collapsed onto my

bed and curled up into a ball. Snap out of it I told myself. Charlie will hear you. I tried to suck in a new breathe but The

tears wouldn't let me. The only thing that happend was I started to choke on my tears. I coughed so loud it was

gaurenteed to be herd down the street. Calm, Calm I kept chanting to myself. It didn't work. Nothing could calm these

cries.

I Burried my head under my pillow and tried to muffle the sound. It didn't work.

I herd Creaks coming up the steps. Oh crap.

"Bells ? Are you alright ?" He asked bewildered.

"Yeah ... Just Give ... Me A 'sec ... I'll be down ... Soon" I Tried to say.

"You sure ?" Charlie asked soundly truly frightened.

"Dad ... Just, Just I'll be there .. soon" I cried

"Okay..." He dragged out the word as if waiting for me to say somthing else "Merry Christmas Hun"

"You to .. Dad"

Once the footsteeps were gone I let my self be flooded of tears again. After about 20 minuetes of this, I began to calm

myself. I shut my eyes then opened them again tryng to blink away the wetness.

I got up and stumbled to the bathroom. Once that was finished, I was over to the window and ripe the blinds down

violently. I walked down the stairs to the living room with one hand holding the railing firmly the other was clutched around

my chest.


	3. UnMerry Christmas to you to

"Mornin Bells!" Charlie said Cheerfully. Although I knew if was false excitement. It was a wasted atempt.

"Hi" I squeeked. My throat was pained.

"You want to open your gifts ?" He asked. Once again trying to excite me.

"Okay." I replied simply.

Charlie's eyes looked strange. I could see his fear, and that he was also worried. I'm not sure what else but there was

deffinatly there.Was it regret ? That stabbed deep.

I tried to force a smile onto my lips as I walked towards the tree to grab the presant I had bought for Charlie. It came out

but it felt so fake I doubted we would believe it. I kneeled down by the left side of the christmas tree. It was so... So..

Happy. I didn't like it. I picked up the medium sized box and handed it to him

"You know Bella, you really didn't have to get me anything." he said once again. He had been trying to convince me that it wasn't necessary.

"But I wanted to" Pushing another one of those fake smiles upon my lips.

We both unravled the wrapping paper from our gifts together. He had bought me a gift certificate to some book store in

Port Angeles, I remembered my last trip to a book store in Port Angeles. That was the day I found out about Vampi--

Stop it ! I yelled at myself. Do you want to colapse infront of Charlie ?

I didn't colpase but I did have to hold myself and take a "break" From opening presants. Charlie asked Why I was all curled

up. I Lied and said I was cold.

After I regained control I opened a Better bag for my toiletries at that point I objected to anymore and said "You really

shouldn't have bought me all these gifts, I feel bad for only getting you one now." I had bought him. a Table saw. He didn't

build much but it was onsale at Newtens. He also kept complaining that he wanted to make himself a new Mailbox.

"So Bells..." Charlie started. It was about 5:15 and I still didn't know what to do for dinner. Maybe we could go "The Lodge"

If It's not to packed. I'll ask Charlie and then phone to see if they are open and have any avalable tables.

"Er. Yes dad ?" I said confused

"I though so that you didn't have to make dinner Tonight We would go over the the Clearwaters. You know they invited us

and All sicne it's just to Two of us." He look at me and saw my unwilling expression "Only Of course if you feel you are up to

it" He added quickly.

I really didn't want to go I wasn't in any shape to be out in public. But I didn't want to make Charlie go by himself on

christmas. That would be mean. What if someone mentions ... No, I don't think I can Go. but how will I tell him.

"I-I don't think I .. I don't want to impose" I stuttered. What else would I say ?

"Oh, It's okay Bell's You don't have to go. Only it you want to. Leah and Seth will be there to. and Jake and Billy might come

over for a little bit. I think the girls are home for Christmas." He said. "I'll stay home with you if you want" he offered

"Oh no ! Definatly not, you go and see Harry. I'm sure he'll like that. Be sure to tell them I say Hello though." I amended

"Okay Bells. I'll bring you some left overs" He Promised.

I watched him march out the Door and listened for the cruiser to start. once it did I ran upstairs as fast as my clumsiness

would allow.


	4. Dinner at the Clearwaters

Charlie's P.O.V

"Hi there Harry ! Merry Christmas." I said once my long time friend Harry Clearwater opened the door to his small home in

La Push.

"Welcome Charlie, Where is Bella ?" He asked me.

"Er. She's still not feeling to well." I replied I didn't need to go into details.

"Oh. I see, I hope she's alright" He said with a worried face. While I was walking in I said "I just don't know anymore. I

could tell she was tryin really hard today. Not to bring it down for me or anything"

"Poor thing." Harry said with a sigh.

The Atmosphere in the little home was cheerful and smelled like Turkey. The Blacks Were there to including Racheal and

Rebecca. Everyone was in the croweded in the living room. On the Couch was Leah and Rebecca. Racheal and Billy were

talking about somthing to do with .. Did Billy Just say Sashay ? Seth and Jacob were lounging lazily infront of the T.V.

Watching A re-run of Friends the Christmas Episode. And Sue was busily Preparing another delicious dinner.

"When Leah went through that it was pretty tough. But She started recovering after a month." Harry blanky said. I

understood how he felt. Only more so.

"Hey Charlie !" Jacob yelled accross the living room. "Did Bella come with you ?" He added swiviling his head to look behind

me.

"Um, No, She's kinda ..." I trailed off. "Oh." Jacob said. He knew.

I had called Billy everyday for the past three months for advice. Though none of the twins had gone through this kind of

stuff. I even phoned Harry He said to just wait it out. When I talked to Sue she agreed not to bother her.

Make sure to tell her I say hello, and I miss her." Jake replied right after a grimace flashed Past his face. "Will Do Jake." I

promised.

Such a good kid I thought to myself. To bad Bella didn't hang around with him more often. He'd be good for her. The

thought of bringing Billy and Jacob over for a visit crossed my mind but then banished it when I remembered Bells fake

smiles.

"Leah ! Rebecca ! Rachel !" Sue hollered. "Come help set the table."

"Mmm Almost done." Harry said with a smile.

Dinner was great. There was some fantastic Fish Fry that Harry made for me. I brought tonnes of left overs home for Bella.

When Dinner was almost over Billy brought up Old legends. Then was some tension during this conversation that I couldn't

understand. Somehow that conversation drifted to the Cullens though I had no Idea how that happened. But it soon

stopped when Sue nudged Harry and nodded her head silently toward me. I didn't understand this. Maybe it was because

of Bella and theyw ere afraid to upset me. I didn't really have a problem with that. I hated them well.. one in praticular just

as much as they did.

When dinner was over I drove solomley up the LaPush Hill not looking forward to the long scilence ahead of me.


End file.
